CD 1, apparently

No joke. AF showed up out of nowhere. Weird. I don't feel like I've changed my breastfeeding routine much since the end of Dom's first month when he started sleeping through the night. He's sleeping about 12 hours now and I don't pump during that time so I could see how my body could downgrade its milk production and decide that it's time to start cycling again, but if that's the reason for this unexpected visitor...why did it take until month 5?

I can't really figure out why this is happening. Anyone have any intel on this? I haven't done much research. Dom has started eating baby food but I don't think I breastfeed any less. Another thing it could be is that I get dehydrated. I've taken to having a glass of wine (or two) after Dom goes to bed since I know I have a solid 10 hours before I have to feed him. And I'm not a big fan of water so I'm sure my milk production isn't at its full potential anyway. Does AF mean my production is going to decrease even more? I'm starting to wonder if it's even worth pumping when I go back to work in two weeks. It's SUCH a big production - all the extra time out during the day and spending evenings cleaning equipment, sterilizing, etc. But the benefits are also huge. I think I'll give it a try and see how it goes.

So by the looks of it, I'm probably cycling. And I'm also sleeping in the same bed as my husband lately. Which raises an interesting question: To go back on the pill...or to not go back on the pill. We've played Russian roulette a few times since Dimitri was born, thinking the chances of pregnancy were super low. But with AF here, that indicates that the chances have increased quite a bit. Like we really need to decide if we want a second baby. And if so, how soon.

I definitely want a second one. Dom is one of those babies that convinces parents that kids are easy peasy and nothing but joy. And then the second one is a holy terror. And then both kids eventually turn two and you have no idea what you were thinking. Ditto when they turn 14. But for some reason, my gut is saying - have two. I want to grow old with a larger family. I love being a mom. But I don't think we can afford a lot of kids - two is a good happy medium. DH is still undecided about the second one. Everyone in our lives is telling us have two. NO ONE has ever offered the opinion that one is the perfect number. I did learn a valuable lesson with that second furbaby though. Which was: Don't blindly forge ahead with plans designed to make your life more complicated. THINK THEM THROUGH. Going with your gut is not always the best idea. On the other hand trusting my gut worked like a charm for child #1. If I had waited until DH was ready instead of forging ahead and putting the pressure on and not taking "no" for an answer, we never would have ended up with our beautiful baby. Now, putting aside for a minute the inherent problems in a marriage where spouse #1 has to figuratively beat spouse #2 over the head in order to get a baby out of him, why should things be any different with the second child.

Obviously there are pros and cons to two kids versus one. And their are pros and cons to waiting to have number two. And maybe it makes sense to go back on the pill while we sort these issues out (not to mention that we can't just "put aside" the fact that DH and I may not be compatible long term). But on the other hand, if we are both more or less on board with having a second one...I'm not convinced there is much harm in throwing caution to the wind for a while. There's obviously no guarantee of anything happening. And if something does, well, we'll have to focus on the pros to having babies back-to-back.

...or we could just wait and enjoy the time with Dom and without the furbaby that we adopted out, and with the newfound peace and fun in our relationship. Things are pretty good right now. And that crazy dog is the one who taught me not to take times like this for granted. It's funny how sometimes your worst nightmare can, in time, become one of life's greatest blessings.