Just an update

Man I miss blogging. I'm glad work has been busy but I do need this outlet and support system.

Dom has been amazing, he is the best baby imaginable. He's still sleeping 12 hrs in a row, eating like a truck driver, we drove 5 hours in one day last week and didn't hear a peep from him other than some happy ramblings, he loves new people, loves daycare, and even when he gets tired he puts on a happy face for company. I am head over heels in love with him. I spend my day craving that moment when I can scoop him up and hold him and devour him with kisses and I don't let go until bedtime.

We take baths in the big person bath now. He loves it, LOVES it. And it's really fun for me to watch him splash around and figure out bubbles and water.

He sits up now if we put him in that position. He leans towards things he wants, he definitely expresses preferences, but he's still pretty immobile. He doesn't try to crawl or roll or sit up on his own. Everyone says he's just not motivated enough. I don't care at all. He's perfect. The only thing we've had trouble with - and I do mean the only thing - is that he will NOT take a bottle of formula from me. Which is a bummer since my breastmilk supply is diving and I'm thinking of weaning him soon. He's so stubborn about it. He will take formula from a bottle at daycare, he will take formula from me if it's spoon fed to him, he eats pretty much anything, but he hates his bottles. Sippy cups don't work either. Since his daycare teachers have figured it out, I don't worry too much about his nutrition or hydration, but I'm not quite sure how you wean a baby who won't take a bottle.

In other news, V (of babymaking 101 fame - basically a co-worker who I get along with on most days but who can be monumentally insensitive and generally ridiculous) had a miscarriage last week. It really rocked her world. She's the kind of person who really believes that nothing bad will happen to her and has always been foolishly optimistic. I've been kind of bitter about her rainbows and sunshine attitude in the past. She's one of those people who you are bitter about because they normally get rewarded for their ignorance with the perfect life. The miscarriage was a stark reminder that it's not always true. And it really rocked her world. She's been pretty unstable ever since. Especially because our mutual friend/co-worker C just had her second healthy beautiful son.

I've decided I am ready for another one. Ideally I'd wait until a few years from now when Dom is out of diapers and daycare isn't as expensive (or even when he starts school), but I don't want to be any older when we start trying again and I'd love to have kids close in age. A couple months ago I was still too scared. And I'm still scared. But I'm more ready than I am scared and I think that's all I can hope for.

One of my greatest fears of course is being faced with a chromosomal abnormality. I am seriously traumatized. But having had a baby, this fear is not as great as it once was. I came to this revelation in the middle of hearing about V's friends who are going through a Down Syndrome scare. I started thinking about Dom and realized that if someone told me tomorrow that he has a deficiency that will cause developmental delay and that he'd never be able to take care of himself, it doesn't change a thing. I love him. He's my child. I remember seeing his froggy breech legs when he was first born - anyone that's had a breech baby knows what i'm talking about. His legs looked like they were horribly disfigured or coming out of the wrong part of his body or something. I didn't care. Not one bit. "That's ok if his legs stick out of his rib cage and he can never walk or look normal," I took note momentarily and went on with my love for my new baby. That's how it should be I think. Mothers are supposed to take care of their babies. No matter what.

I used to be pro choice. Going through pregnancy has changed to a large degree. Certianly there are situations where it might be appropriate, according to me. But those situations are far fewer today. I say this not to start a political debate but rather to put into perspective how much my fear of the unknown has abated.

Anyway, it doesn't matter how I feel about it all if I can't convince DH that baby #2 is a good idea. It used to be that everyone around us was passing us by becoming parents. Now we're getting passed up by their second kids. I feel a little bit back on that roller coaster of envy and hope for trying again and paying attention to my cycles, and I hate it. It's certainly not as bad as it was before. I would honestly be able to be happy if I never had another kid. For sure. But once you allow yourself to want something...well, you know how it goes. It's especially hard if you're going up against your husband. It's not a good feeling to fundamentally disagree on something so important.