Tuesday, August 31, 2010


I am a mom. I am also a wife and a lawyer, I have two rescue dogs, I just turned 30, I love wine and I eat ice cream most days. This blog will doubtless touch on many of my characteristics but the common theme, the driving force will be my experience as a mom.

After a devastating pregnancy loss that was discovered at 12 weeks early in 2009, and a related diagnosis of GTD, a cancerous growth of placental cells which thankfully was easily treated and resolved with only mild treatment, I began the long journey of trying again which involved a six month wait to see if the GTD would crop up again. Fortunately, after that wait, DH and I soon found ourselves pregnant again. This new pregnancy was plagued by my own relentless anxiety, borne partially of my nature, partially of my trauma over our loss and the subsequent events, and partially of some "abnormalities" that were discovered along the way. We were informed at 19 weeks of a choroid plexus cyst (a soft marker for trisomy 18) and persistent breech starting at 34 weeks. I was fixated on the chance of a chromosomal abnormality but refused invasive diagnostic testing on the chance that it might be detrimental to the baby. Despite my greatest fears, our son was born healthy and I haven't looked back.

I've been a mom for 3 weeks and I could not be happier. It is everything I expected and wanted it to be. They say you are never prepared for parenthood, that you can't understand it until it happens. Maybe. But for the past few weeks I've felt like this was something I was born to do. Something I have always been destined for and I feel absolutely prepared to handle whatever comes. Maybe it's biological, maybe I'm still reeling from how lucky I feel and my heightened appreciation for parenthood after the difficulty we withstood to get here, but this new role of mine fits like a glove. I feel more confident than I have in any other role or job in my life. And I am happy. And if you knew me IRL or if you have read my previous blog, Babymaking 101, which details my TTC journey and pregnancy, you know happiness isn't easy to come by for me. I am a worrier. I am pessimistic. I insist on more information, even when more is less. I ruminate and fixate and obsess. I have a lot of difficulty living in the present and enjoying things for what they are, when they are. These are all things I have resolved to work on now that my son has arrived. I actually made this resolution while I was laying in bed in the c/section recovery room. So far so good.

I'd provide some kind of roadmap at this point but I'm not sure where this new journey will take me. And that is an exciting prospect. Welcome to my story.