Friday, June 17, 2011

NT scan

The dreaded.

My results were not as good as I had hoped, but they're ok, and I think I should be greatful.

Papp A: .79MoM
hCG: 1.25 MoM

NT 1.9mm, 1.18 MoM

Down syndrome risk: 1:2,100
T18 risk: 1:73,000

The 1 in 2100 scares me a little. It was 1 in 32,000! last time. And I never really thought of it again. This time, well, I think of it. But I wouldn't say I'm worried. And I'm not really considering an amnio. I was really hoping to avoid any gray area by having the second while I was still relatively young (I'll be 31 when its born) and maybe I have. Maybe 2100 is good enough to not be gray. But it sure as hell doesn't sound as good as 32,000.

I think they got the date wrong too, by a day. I wonder how that would change things. On one sheet I'm 12w 5d, on the other I'm 12w 6d.

Oh well.

They took a guess on the gender. They said girl based on some thing they pointed out that's verticle for girls and horizontal for boys. They showed it to me and it looked pretty compelling. Anyone know how accurate these early predictions are? They told me not to buy anything pink.

I can't decide whether to get the second tri screening. I'm leaning against it. I hate this stuff.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Update on the babies

Dom will be 10 months tomorrow. Un. believable. He's pulling himself up like a champ now, eating "solid" foods like puffs, and little mushed-up pieces of bread and cheese and things like that, he's still sleeping well and very good natured, and just thinking about him still makes me want to cry. Happy tears of course.

He's grown out of the last of his baby-shower & other gifts clothes so now I actually have to buy him clothes. Which still seems novel. Me? Pick out little boy shorts and little boy shirts and maybe pick the socks with the rubber stickies on the bottom now since he's about to start walking. From his birth on, every new stage is something I never thought I'd get to see. Like somehow I pictured my life up to his birth but thought that's where the fantasy ended. I failed to take into account that there would be life beyond that day. Didn't dare hope probably. But here it is, and it's so exciting.

I know how lucky I am to have a healthy baby. To have such a sweet, good-natured, well behaved baby on top of that is almost too much to take. He accompanies me on 5-hr shopping sprees with girlfriends, out to dinner, happy hour, soccer games, all the while being the life of the party, napping when he needs to, rarely complaining, engaged and engaging, and then he sleeps for at least 10 hours every night.

There are some new babies in his daycare and one of his teachers told me that yesterday one of the new girls, around the same age as him, was crying most of the day. And he would go up to her and put his hand on her really gently and give her kisses. They kept saying he was so gentle. He gets that from our dog who, while well-intentioned, is not fond of Dom. He's a chihuahua mix and rather independent, he's usually not the type to lean in for pets and Dom (who inexplicably loves this dog more than life itself) has learned that short gentle pets work best. He's a smart kid, he's remembered that. And applied it to his classmates apparently.

The pregnancy is going ok. I still feel nauseous most mornings and evenings but it's not too bad. I'm able to get through it without throwing up these days and even took a prenatal vitamin last night for the first time in weeks (I've been taking folic acid all along). I had an u/s at almost 11 weeks and everything still looked great, on track. NT scan is scheduled for a week from tomorrow. I am nervous but it's not like last time. Last time I sank into a bona fide depression for a couple weeks leading up to the appointment. I was anxiety ridden, I couldn't enjoy anything, what's the point - this time I am anxious but just because it's new information. Not because I fear my life being in shambles should something look less than perfect. I feel like I can handle things better now. And I'm not fixating on the worst case scenario. No therapy required, how 'bout that? Part of it is probably blindness - it's interesting how the "it can't happen to me" and the "oh it'll be fine!" feelings creep back after a healthy pregnancy. How soon we forget.

V, my sometimes-friend at work is pregnant too. She had a miscarriage earlier this year and got pregnant again the first time trying. She is like I was. She is worried about ordering from restaurants, working out, ingredients in her face cream, etc. She's on the internet for half the day researching statistics and going through message board after message board. She is not like me in that she gets to stay home permanently after she has the baby - this makes me practically insane with jealousy. I am not a fan of my job lately. It seems like every other woman in my life is getting to stay home or at least work a severely reduced schedule and it's making me crazy. Where did I go wrong? I guess I worked too hard. I mean it's nice to make an independent living and have a purpose outside the house, and I'm not saying I would not work at all, if I had the option. It would just be nice to have the option...or to have a job I liked. Alas.

DH and I are doing better every day. I can't remember the last time we fought about anything. I can see the moments when it's a struggle though, where before the conversation would have devolved into a bitter, angry, poorly-communicated war of words, now we are more constructive and less emotional or selfish. I think we respect each other for having stuck with each other through the hard time we had. Like we both realize how serious about each other we must be to have even tried to work things out. Whatever it takes I guess.