Sorry for the hiatus. I had kind of a minor life crisis and have been debating about whether I really have time and motivation to continue blogging. There are new things to focus my energy and time on for sure, but I sincerely and greatly value the support I get from this community, the camaraderie and perspective, everything I learn from all of you and your stories, and of course there's the therapeutic value of writing.
The minor life crisis has nothing to do with the baby. One of our rescue dogs is turning out to be a little overprotective - she gets fear-aggressive sometimes with strangers and most recently actually snapped at someone coming to visit and left a small bite mark. The person practically fell on her and was carrying a cane so there were some extenuating circumstances and all was forgiven, but I freaked out. The dog is totally safe with kids and great with the baby so I'm not worried about Dom. She's very loving once she gets to know a person and she's never bitten a stranger before. But she has demonstrated a fearfulness of men before...I just never thought she'd cross that line and bite someone. I'm worried that she will bite someone in public - the mailman or a skateboarder or someone that looks suspicious to her and that we'll then have the emotional and expensive and stressful experience of lawsuits and the dog possibly getting put down. We do not need a high-maintenance guard dog. I don't want to live with the stress of the possibility of something going wrong. Thing is, DH is addicted to her. He's so attached and refuses to even try to find her another home. He thinks I'm overreacting. He likes that she's a good guard dog. She obviously passed some behavior evaluation about a year ago in order to be deemed suitable for adoption. He threatened to divorce me before he'd let me give her away. Seriously he was ready to walk out. And he would. He has another house about a hundred miles north and a place to work up there. We had a HUGE fight and I've actually considered what life would look like apart.
I was so stressed out that I couldn't eat or sleep - which made me stress more because I was worried that my milk production would suffer and that I was letting these precious days with Dom go by and remained in a deep depression. I was panicked for days, having anxiety attacks. I went back on zoloft and we're getting a professional trainer for the dog and things are better. Having Dom to take care of has really pulled me through. I am so in love with him and there's nothing I wouldn't do for him. And no matter how incapacitated I felt in the last few weeks, I was still able to rise to the occasion of taking painstaking care of him, he's all the motivation I need to keep going. And that's good because right now he's all the motivation I have.