So after a week and a half, the family that took the furbaby in decided they didn't want to keep her. Too much on their plate, not a well-fenced enough yard. I am so disappointed. DH called me from work to tell me and to ask if there was any chance I had changed my mind about keeping her, seeing what he had gone through giving her up the first time and seeing how friendly and loving everyone thinks she is. No. I have not changed my mind. I don't want to live with her. But I know DH is going to beg and cry and that by being stubborn I'm taking away his best friend, basically. I feel like if I make him give the dog away to someone else I'm being a bad wife. If I allow her to stay I'm being a bad mom.
I felt such relief when I thought it was going to work out with this last family. Like I was looking forward to life again, I could eat, get things done, better for everyone, including the dogs, besides DH's initial grief. Which I thought he'd get over. My guilt subsided pretty quickly when I started getting reports about how she was doing. But now it's back. There's another friend that might take her but this one lives 3 hours away. How can I ask him to do this?
I offered to leave yesterday, like leave the marriage so he can keep his dog, but he's against divorce because of Dom. He doesn't want to be away from his son. He feels like I haven't left him a choice and he hates me for it. The thing is, I don't know if he'll ever forgive me and I may decide I've had enough of the silent treatment and the sleeping in different beds thing in a year or so. And I'd hate to have him say goodbye to his best friend and then we still don't work out. And I told him that. And he said it's one of those things where we won't know until we get there.
I keep wondering why I feel like my life has been frought with catastrophe lately. First the miscarriage/molar thing, then the CPC, now the dog and potential divorce. Am I creating misery for myself? DH keeps saying that if it's not one thing it's another with me. And that's been true for the last couple years. But it hasn't always been true. And like I said, the last couple weeks with the dog in a good home I've finally felt at peace. So maybe I'm not creating the problems, maybe I'm just a lightening rod for crap. I was going to say "extremely unlucky" but I am lucky. I have become a mom and that really is the most important thing. It just sucks when you've been through so much and then when you think it can't get any worse, it does. I think a lot of my readers can relate - a lot of us have had some f-ed up years. I appreciate your guys' support so much.