So after a week and a half, the family that took the furbaby in decided they didn't want to keep her. Too much on their plate, not a well-fenced enough yard. I am so disappointed. DH called me from work to tell me and to ask if there was any chance I had changed my mind about keeping her, seeing what he had gone through giving her up the first time and seeing how friendly and loving everyone thinks she is. No. I have not changed my mind. I don't want to live with her. But I know DH is going to beg and cry and that by being stubborn I'm taking away his best friend, basically. I feel like if I make him give the dog away to someone else I'm being a bad wife. If I allow her to stay I'm being a bad mom.
I felt such relief when I thought it was going to work out with this last family. Like I was looking forward to life again, I could eat, get things done, better for everyone, including the dogs, besides DH's initial grief. Which I thought he'd get over. My guilt subsided pretty quickly when I started getting reports about how she was doing. But now it's back. There's another friend that might take her but this one lives 3 hours away. How can I ask him to do this?
I offered to leave yesterday, like leave the marriage so he can keep his dog, but he's against divorce because of Dom. He doesn't want to be away from his son. He feels like I haven't left him a choice and he hates me for it. The thing is, I don't know if he'll ever forgive me and I may decide I've had enough of the silent treatment and the sleeping in different beds thing in a year or so. And I'd hate to have him say goodbye to his best friend and then we still don't work out. And I told him that. And he said it's one of those things where we won't know until we get there.
I keep wondering why I feel like my life has been frought with catastrophe lately. First the miscarriage/molar thing, then the CPC, now the dog and potential divorce. Am I creating misery for myself? DH keeps saying that if it's not one thing it's another with me. And that's been true for the last couple years. But it hasn't always been true. And like I said, the last couple weeks with the dog in a good home I've finally felt at peace. So maybe I'm not creating the problems, maybe I'm just a lightening rod for crap. I was going to say "extremely unlucky" but I am lucky. I have become a mom and that really is the most important thing. It just sucks when you've been through so much and then when you think it can't get any worse, it does. I think a lot of my readers can relate - a lot of us have had some f-ed up years. I appreciate your guys' support so much.
astrid, this is NOT ok, you do NOT deserve this. he doesn't want to get divorced because of dom but is not only willing, but wants to keep a dog that could hurt your child. your husband is a selfish asshole and i hate him for putting you through this and making you feel this way. i am so mad i am in tears. my husband would NEVER do this to me and if he did i would leave him.
ReplyDeletewhen i was seven years old a dog bit me in the face, i had to get 24 stitches in my eyelid and forehead and i was very lucky to not lose my eye. if there is even the tiniest chance that this dog could bite dom, which there clearly is, please, do NOT keep it.
i am so very sorry that hings have turned out this way, you went through so much to have dom only to have things fall apart, it must be devastating. i only wish i knew you in real life and lived closer so i could give you the support that you need.
I understand that DH has ties to the dog. I completely understand that yes, he's heart broken over having to give the dog up - but honestly, he should be willing to do whatever it takes for the safety of your child. It's what any parent would do.
ReplyDeleteMy worry is that (as I have the same worries at my inlaws house who have dogs) is that the dog will think Dom is intruding in his space or will just snap at him when he's had enough. This is not OK! I say go with your gut & do whatever you have to do to keep that dog away.
Not letting him keep the dog doesn't mean you're a bad wife. He should see that you are being a GREAT Mom by wanting to keep ya'lls child SAFE. He should know that! {argh!}
I'm sorry Astrid this is happening. I'm sorry your DH is being so - like Katery said & I agree - selfish. You can only take so much. In the end, you need to ask yourself, are you happy & do you want Dom being raised in that type of hostile environment being created by DH. It's not fair what he's doing.
I'll be thinking of you! Hang in there love.
Hi Astrid, this is "K" from waiting for sunflower- Katery directed me to your new blog. Sigh. I have had a friend whose little girl had her chin and cheek area ripped off by a dog- she had to get plastic reconstructive surgery and is still looking . .. not good. You have to protect your kid. A dog is hard to let go of, but the fact that he'd consider divorce (but only not really b/c of the baby) is very telling and disturbing. I'm sorry hon.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you have to deal with this. After all you've been through, now to have this nonsense to deal with is just crap.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, it seems like your husband is using this dog as a scapegoat. I can't imagine any person in a healthy relationship taking such extremes (risking the health of his son and a potential divorce) over a dog, and I am a huge dog lover and think of them as family members, not just pets. I think there is a much bigger issue at hand here and your husband is using the dog as his excuse for giving up on your marriage.
That's not fair. You deserve some honesty from your husband.
I'm so glad that you have Dom to keep your days bright. I hope the rest can be resolved in some way that makes your heart a little lighter.
Thinking of you.
ReplyDeletehey astrid, i just wanted to stop by and tell you that i'm thinking about you, i hope you and d are doing ok. please let me know if there is ANYTHING i can do for you, no matter how small or silly it may be.
ReplyDeletexoxo