Friday, April 15, 2011

Hello fear, my old friend

I've already lost one follower over the pregnancy announcement, and at the risk of losing more, I have to say...I kind of dread pregnancy. I had a bit of a traumatic time last year with the CPC, breech, etc., I am afraid of everything. And every new fear seems more awful than the last. I am seriously panic stricken, not just about the whole "will it be too much to handle?" question but about every stage and every problem that could arise. DH has a BAD flu or something. He's had it since Sunday. He's been shivering (= fever) and lounging around in bed and he sounds AWFUL. He won't eat anything but W3ndy's. At the beginning of the week I wasn't being very careful 'cause I didn't know about the pregnancy. But now I'm ms. OCD handwasher and oj-drinker and I am actively nervous all day that I'll get sick and have a fever and that my baby will have a neural tube defect. Why do I always have to go to the worst case scenario? Why does DH have to get sick all the time and refuse to get the flu shot? Fortunately I still feel pretty normal and it's been 5 days. Also I had the flu shot last fall. And last pregnancy was during flu season and I had NOT had the shot and I didn't even get a cold - the ENTIRE time. I think I'm one of those people for whom pregnancy boosts their immune system. Knock on wood. In fact, that's why I tested initially - I thought it was odd that DH had gotten sick and I hadn't...I always get some kind of cold the week before I thought...maybe I'm pregnant. But I'm still left with the worry that I'll get an awful fever and worry the WHOLE 9 months about another sad condition. Pregnancy brings out the worst in me. Hopefully I will not get sick and then the rest of the pregnancy will be easy in comparison to the dread of the first tri. Hopefully. Knock on more wood. PS I told DH. He was too sick to pay attention. He was like really? Are you joking? He was nice about it, I told him I was scared and he made some joke to show he wasn't scared (which I know he is). We were both kind of putting our heads in our hands like - what have we done. But we know it's an amazing wonderful lucky thing that this has happened. And I'm sure in a few days we'll start to see it in a blisfully positive light. Please let us hold it together. I like "us" when we're getting along.


  1. wow, well, i'm not going to lie, under the circumstances i'm definitely a little freaked out for you. i'm sorry you lost a reader, that's ridiculous, just because someone doesn't agree with your choices they shouldn't cut you off, especially when you need support the most.

  2. Since becoming a Mom, I've turned into this my DH likes to call me. If I see/hear a family memeber cough, I think "how long until Viv gets it"

    Sorry you lost a follower. I'm with Katery on this, I'm a little freaked for you as well but I know all of you will pull through. Glad to hear DH was supportive.

    And once the "oh sh**" feeling clears, everything, the pregnancy, the fears will start looking better.

  3. Astrid, first of all congrats on your pregnancy!

    I have been reading since Babymaking 101. I am sorry you lost a reader, but I am thinking that reader was probably not comfortable continuing to read, maybe because they are still TTC or just don't agree which I think is fine, everyone has their own opinions and feelings of course.

    Anyway, I have my son and daughter from IVF with ICSI (male factor) and they are 15 1/2 months apart. While I am not going to lie, it is NOT easy at all in the beginning, it will be great eventually. My son just turned 2 and he plays and helps his 10 month old sister. I am hoping they will be really close growing up.

    And I understand the budget thing. My husband got me my dream bag and wallet for Christmas (we luckily had a good year last year!) and while we could afford it, I try to cut back on too many purchases with 2 kids under 2...aka diapers, wipes, 2 nursery furniture sets etc.