Thursday, April 14, 2011
I am a hairball of emotions right now. I am finally getting along well with DH, I LOVE my family. Everything's sort of perfect right now, or at least: reached it's full potential. I would definitely change my job and my house if we're talking about a perfect world but you know what I mean. We even had an impromptu date-night last night after Dom went to sleep - it was juts takeout but it was spontaneous and fun and we had a good time and relaxed. I had a couple drinks. Did I mention, it was FUN? We're not a date couple so it was kind of amazing to just hang out the two of us and enjoy each others' company. I can see why people make it a regular thing. Anyway, to get to my point, DH and I dtd maybe twice last month. No protection. Honestly, I was not trying to con him into anything, he initiated every time. And this morning I took a test. On a whim sort of. I haven't even missed AF. It must be about 9dpo. And it was positive. I'm shaking. I'm scared to tell DH, scared I won't be able to handle it, scared because yesterday I was obsessing over a burberry bag because my last bag - the one I thought would be the last one I'd ever buy - got serious water damage from a water-bottle leak. And now I need to budget more than ever. I'm scared to be pg again, I am terrified of pregnancy, and pregnancy loss of course. Scared that what we did was irresponsible even though every reason in the book pointed to: try again now! I'm scared that my life can't take another upheaval, scared to tell my parents that our family trip to hawaii is going to have to be pushed out (or brought up) a couple months. Scared scared scared. Shaky....but excited too.